6.20.2008

rant (again).

(Note: this is a fairly sleep-deprived ramble. Coherency is optional)

So I've been thinking about relationships. And how much I suck at all that boy/girl stuff. Like... epic suck.

Everyone always says that you're supposed to just tell him. You know? Because you might end up regretting it if you never say anything. I mean, good heavens... even Gideon Emery told me that. (Gideon, will you be my personal love guru? Please?) And I believe it. I really do. I wish I could just... do it. I'm not even really talking about a specific situation here (or maybe I am a little bit... but if I am it's def NOT the same guy I was talking about a few weeks ago. Def.) but just in general. Guys freak me out. I mean, not guys, but... guys I have feelings for. I act all confident and stuff but when it comes down to brass tacks, I'm really just scared.

And anyway, people say to just tell them how you feel... but no one seems to want to elaborate on exactly how I'm supposed to go about doing that. I mean, what, do I just send him a txt that's all like HAY GUESS WHUT I <3 U? Yeah. No. Like, what's the not-awkward and embarassing way to do it?

Especially when I'm like 75% sure the feelings are reciprocated?

And it's different if it's someone I already know and/or have known for a while compared to someone I don't really know at all. Like... for example, it'd be much easier for me to flirt with someone I hardly know, like the guy at church. (Even though I always wimp out and never do. But we're not gonna talk about that.) It's like, the longer I've known him and the closer friends we are the harder it would be to admit that I developed feelings for him other than friendship.

Damn it.

I... I don't want to make an ass of myself. And I'm totally sure I would.

Did I mention I really, really suck at this whole relations-with-males thing? Like a lot?

5 comments:

MzHartz said...

I feel your pain. In my past, I always was the one who never had a boyfriend. It's not that I didn't want one. But I was always too afraid to talk to them.

I did eventually end up with boyfriends. (2 at once at one point, but I'd rather not go into that.) I hooked up with all of them the same: He approached me and talked to me just as a friend; and I was friends with ALL of them first. In fact, I was trying NOT to be in a relationship when I fell for my husband, it just kinda happen.

So my advice is terrible: Stop trying to approach him. If it's going to happen, it'll happen. If you try to make it happen, your nervousness and desperation will show through. (I know, easy to say... I told you it's terrible advice.)

Gid said...

Much as I'd love to be the love guru, I don't qualify. I've just come out of a long term relationship. Besides, all the women I've been out with came on to me. I did have a close friend who I totally fell for and decided I'd write a poem and drop it off. I figured it was win-win. If she felt the same, she could say so and, if not, she could just say "thanks for the poem, it was sweet". You know?

Well instead she just stopped calling and disappeared. I couldn't get hold of her. Heard through a mutual friend she was upset that someone she thought was a friend was just trying to get into her pants. Geez. You'd think I grabbed her during a movie.

So what's the point here? I think you have to risk getting shot down if you want to know. That's life. I've fallen for women and hoped they felt the same, but they clearly never knew and now, neither will I. I say put on that Kevlar love vest and say something. Or go do something together where it can happen organically.

Catalyst Corner said...

Yeah if you pick up any pointers on that one. Let me know. I'm great with guys until I develop feelings and then I flake.

frangelica said...

sweetie, fact of the matter is that if the whole Luv Thang was easy, it would not be half as important. I am perpetually amazed at the people that amble from sig other to sig other without a lull. They must not have very high hopes!

Believe me, I've been there too, and it does get better, but it never seems to get easy.

Just remember that the Knight don't come up to your door on his white charger. You've got to be out of the house for him to see you, so just don't freak and hibernate. Get out there and get a few little slightly bloody wounds. They'll scab over, and you'll know what NOT to do when the right one does come along.

skye black said...

I think everyone else here gave good advice, so. Yeah. It's always a risk. Getting hurt is part of it (I've had my share of rejections..)

I hope it works out, sensei <3 Honestly, I never would've thought you'd have trouble in that department. I always admired you for your confidence, because I lack that.